Zero Days

Today is almost over. It is 11:28PM on a Tuesday night. I had the whole day to myself. When I woke up, it felt like all the time in the world.

But I squandered it.

If I were to check the screen time on my phone I know it would be bad, hours upon hours of mindless scrolling. I just couldn't get anything going today. I couldn't read, I couldn't write. I tried, but it just wasn't happening.

I struggle with this.

"There's only ever going to be one of every day; there will be other days, but they won't be this day," - that's from a novel called An Ocean of Minutes by author Thea Lim. It's a story about an immigrant navigating a new world, but the story is universal.

Every day is a new day, a new journey. Our past gives us some perspective and guidance for the future, but each day is still its own blank page. I feel like I wasted this one.

But there's still time.

Some days, you just don't got it. I went through the motions. I still made my walk happen, did a workout, read some emails, and cosplayed as a productive human; I tried.

I remember in 4th grade our teacher explained how much a "0" hurt your overall grade. A 65 or 70 wouldn't hurt your average, but a 0 would…

I was so scared that I'd forget to bring my homework to school, I used to check to make sure it was in my backpack dozens of times on a single car ride, which is a long winded way of saying… I try not to get any 0's.

But I remember too an exhibit I saw at the New York Historical Society on my favorite author, Robert Caro. He keeps a log of his daily word count, and sometimes he'll write a little note. He has some 0's - and some of those entries he explains away as simply "lazy" or "sick".

Well, if he can have 0 days, so can I. But I got this down with 20 minutes to spare. At least that's something.

Anyway, I'll do better tomorrow.